Path 2: Grim Rhymes- Killing the Kerrek:

"Adventure! Adventure! Adventurrreee...

the greatest thing that you can ever menture!

We're going an epic tale,

with artic whales with ten foot tails!

Not going to steal the Jhonka's mail,

we've come to vanquish the KERREK!

Not Trogdor's head or pounds of led,

we've come to vanquish the KERREK!

And get a belt after he's delt.

WE'VE COME TO VANQUISH THE KERREK!"

   "Uh, fun_timey, who you singing to?" Jim Grim asked. "Other than that, sw3ll rhyming."

   "What's with all the sentences of 3? Isn't it supposed to be a letter we call E?" fun_timey asked in his own gigantic rhyme scheme.

   "Well, it's a 3 for us l33t kids." JG explained.

   "There you go again! It's getting rather odd. I'd suggest you take a rest and change your name to Tod."

   "You know something, timey, your rhymes are all wack! You're 1936 old school and need to take a bath!"

   "We're getting rather close to Kerrek, so stop all your abusing. You're no match for my rhyme skills, you're lucky I feel like cruising."

   "Why in the world are we rhyming like weirdos?! I don't know how to stop." Jim Grim screamed, stretching out in cheeks in anger of the words spouting out of his mouth in perfect prose. "The way to do so is the go to an anti-rhyme shop."

   "You see, young man?" said Mr. Fun. "It's fun to rhyme in time and run! We're starting to see the rhyming sun. The rhyming's just begun!"

   Whoa, rhyming with the narrator. If this was DDR, that'd be a +4 combo. But it isn't.

   "PLEASE, MAKE ME STOP MY MADNESS RHYMES! I CANNOT DO THIS FOR ALL TIMES! I'LL RHYME WHILE CLIMBING- RHYME IN TIMING?! RHYME THE WORDS IN ONE STRAIGHT LINING!!"

   "Oh, do not worry, have an apple! I do not wanna see you yapple."

   "I don't like apples, have a chip. I'm gonna flap, I'm gonna flip."

   "Chips are too salty, have some meal. It's gray and old in some appeal."

   "Meal's too moldy, have some bread. It's not as dense like heavy led."

   "Hey, gimme that!" Peaches screamed, as she ran up to the piece of bread, and sped off into the wilderness.

   "What was that?" JG asked.

   "I do not know. But I know we can rhyme and flow."

   "This is getting real annoying. You making me rhyme? With my brain are you toying?!"

   "Nah, you just have a knack for rhymes."

   "... hey. You just stopped rhyming."

   Fun_timey got an embarrassed look on his face as his thought of an answer, but soon after, Jim Grim was thrust promptly into the ground by a bad graphics club.

   "What the hey?! Are you okay? That club has crushed you down in ways."

   But Jim Grim was long gone, GAME OVER. Into that place where the rhyming... 16-bit men from a forum go.. to.

   "WHOA!" Jim Grim lay up, looking over his body, which seemed to have returned to it's former 3-D glory. "What just happened?"

   "Well, you're dead, of course." said a mysterious voice coming from... wherever. Actually, it was hard to tell. It was white one way, and white the other. White everywhere.

   "I'm dead?"

   "Well, not in this present place and time. You're alive."

   "I'm dead and alive?"

   "You died and came here, alive again."

   "You mean I'm in..."

   "No." the voice formed itself from what seemed to be the air around him, into a solid form, somewhat angelic, but there was still something weird about the figure. "You're in a DIFFERENT sort of place."

   "You mean the opposite of-"

   "No. You're horrible at guessing. And you're also about 2 paragraphs later than expected..." the figure snapped his tongue a few times, shaking his head at the clipboard in his hands.

   "Paragraphs?"

   "Nevermind. It isn't needed to know. Infact, you mustn't find out."

   "BLARGz!" jeered JG. "Find what? What in the world are you talking about in the regular cheesy person-who-knows-more-than-you-he-must-not-find-out way?"

   "MY GOODNESS! He knows about the C-P-W-K-M-T-Y-H-M-N-F-O! That's CLASSIFIED!" the figure gasped.

   "Huh? I just made that up. Well, the name. It's a real state of mind, that's for sure."

   "Oh dear, I forgot. You made that up. Oh dear, oh dear, second day on the job and already a mistake..."

   Jim Grim read the tag on the figure's shirt,

“Literature Department-

Death Support for Characters "Jim Grim", "Stickly Man", and "Rocky"-

We Meet Again"

   Jim Grim's right eyebrow raised up in a wondering way, and then looked up at the figure again, who was pacing back and forth in a nervous way.

   "Oh boy... is it time for THE TALK again... no... it'd be the 3rd time."

   "What in the world are you talking about?!" Jim Grim screamed. "Literate? Death Support for Me?! I'm a CHARACTER?! What in the world are you t-"

   "Look, if you want to really know..." the figure took a deep breath and started up in a slow, steady manner, "YOU, are in a STORY. A STORY a boy has been making up. You, Jim Grim, are as real as anyone else, YOU are a real person in the REAL WORLD, but have been adapted for this story. The REAL WORLD is a place where cartoon characters do not go insane and capture men from the human world and people do not go around saving people in epic adventures."

   "Wow, sounds boring." Jim Grim remarked.

   "I, the Death Support, am here to make sure that when you die, you return unharmed, and if possible, unfilled it with everything. But every single person who I've delt with has return spoiled and with this big book of spoilers and remarks. You can have it if you want, it has the whole story of the amazing adventures to come in the days to come, and even the whole section on the sequel and last book of this series.." the figure shoved the book closed as Jim Grim tried to sneak a peek at the last book.

   "You may spoil as much of it as you want. But be warned, the book's life, and the wellbeing of the members are at stake." the figure warned. "Make sure NOT to cross the line between funny to dangerously secret revealing."

   There was a deadly pause.

   "Uh... isn't this the part where you brainwash me and leave me out in the real world with the spoiler book, and only the memory of knowing what it is?"

   "Well, I would, but I lost my Cop-Out box, and I don't know where it is."

   And with that the figure led Jim Grim to a door which he promptly kicked him out of.

   "Hello, Kerrek, how you doin?" fun_timey asked, sweating. "You're in no mood to play, that's a shoe-in."

   Suddenly, Jim Grim, back in his 16-bit droll-ness bounced back to life out of the hole he'd been crushed into, and looked around, and finally, at his book of spoilers.

   "Okay, that was weird. How'd you get back to life? I thought you'd been crushed in acts of strife."

   "Well, yeah, I was, but then I was alive." Jim Grim replied.

   fun_timey blinked, and returned back to sweating. Jim Grim quickly sped through the book and looked to the place where they were at in this particular moment, where he read the specific words you are reading at this very moment. HI JIM!

   Jim Grim read that they would crush the Kerrek via enormous amounts of harsh, horrible, repetitive poetry by the Vogons- I mean, Crackotage. Yes, Crackotage.

   "fun_timey! You got any poetry? By Crackotage?" Jim Grim hollered out while reading what he was saying.

   "Yes indeed, I've got that stuff. It's worse than Zotter's broken Zipplymuff. Now, the Zipplymuff of his is broken, because he has no more Zipplymuff tokens. Without the tokens, it's really quite broken, so he's broke of his broken Zipplymuff's tokens."

   Jim Grim and fun_timey took a deep breath and started to recite the most horrendous, ugly Vogon Crackotage poetry ever heard in the history of the 1st Cheat Commandos season. To this day, the only words of the poem that could ever be recited were, in this order, "man", "whale", "fish", and "toaster oven".

   The Kerrek stepped back in horror as the last word was uttered, and slopped immediately into a big melted Kerrek pile, only the belt intact.

   "Hey, maybe Poetry ain't so bad." Jim Grim stood back triumphantly. "Well, it's bad, but, well, you know what I mean."

   "Yeah, I know." fun_timey laid back, with his hands curled around the back of his head.

   "Wait... wait... did you just stop rhyming?!"

   fun_timey just paused, and walked away.