joe is the humble tally hall moviesmith. a member of SAG, AFTRA, and equity, joe has been fulfilling general showmanship since the tender age of six. the simpsons made fun of him for singing "high hopes" in a children's hospital commercial.
SHOE SIZE: 11.5 US
TALLY HALL'S JOE HAWLEY FACT SHEET DETECTIVE DATABASE ARCHIVE:
FACT: joe is the oldest tally.
FACT: joe is compiling a cereal cookbook.
FACT: joe was senior class president in high school.
FACT: joe has had several tragic pets. among them:
----------1. EDMUND (1999-2001). pac-man frog. ate one of joe's other frogs, CHUCKY. referred to thereafter as CHEDMUND.
----------2. COTTON (1980-1995). maltese. blind and deaf with no teeth; wandered over to the neighborhood lake. surrounded by a circle of honking geese. finally dispatched by a snapping turtle.
FACT: in first grade, joe developed a condition known as "nintendo thumb."
FACT: joe appeared on "unsolved mysteries."
FICTION: joe hates white people.
FACT: joe and jesus's dad share a first name.
FACT: joe is obsessed with The Infinite.* he's pondering it right now.
*DID YOU KNOW? "ruler of everything" is a song about time.
TALLY HALL'S EMERGENCY JOE HAWLEY CHECKLIST:
1. double-jointed fingers? Y
2. convoluted, cowlick-encroached scalp dressing? Y
3. part native american? Y
4. four? N
5. encyclobeatles joehawleyca? Y
if joe hawley persists, contact your local joe hawley control center immediately.
"JOE HAWLEY" ©1982 THE UNIVERSE